Hunter. I love this picture. Tears. About this pic, but about him. After taking some pics of the boys I pulled them up on the computer to see how they turned out. When the picture above came on the screen I stopped short. Instant tears. Two things hit me so hard first how handsome and big my son is getting and second the look on his face about the fact that he now has a long awaited little brother. I know I am his mom but he is so handsome. His blue eyes, those flippin cute freckles and his content grin. He looks so old to me in this picture. I can't believe what a young man he is becoming. I look forward to seeing him grow and what he will look like. Hunter makes being a parent so easy and rewarding. He is so responsible and helpful. He is always so attentive to me and aware of my emotions and sensitive just like Deke, he will be an amazing husband someday. When he is in the wrong he is quick to apologize and shows remorse when he has made a mistake. He is so brilliant. Not just in the way that he is super smart, has a vocabulary that feels limitless, the ability to hold a conversation with people well beyond his age but his confidence. Hunter has this way of bringing people together and starting the fun. He is great at organizing activities and for as long as I can remember people are just drawn to him. I can't even count how many times over his nine years I have had primary teachers, neighbors, moms of his friends, and so many others tell me what a nice young man he is, what a sweet kid he is or how smart and funny he is. He has always had a way with people. We all have gifts in life and I think this is one of Hunter's gifts. He is always so tender with me and has been a tremendous help to me through this pregnancy with Hudson. Helping lift something or bend to get something, helping one of his sisters with something.
He has wanted a brother so badly. He has grieved over the boys a lot. Not so much remembering them because he was so tiny but grieving the loss of what he would have had having the two of them around to play. Since we lost them he has talked about all the things they would have done together. How they would have had bunk beds and all three of them would have NERF wars and build LEGO creations. It about killed me. I would tuck him into bed some nights and he would open up and talk about wishing he had them. I would comfort him and then go into Deke and fall apart. Crying for us but crying for him, wishing I could've kept them here for him. Feeling the pain of the separation. Telling Deke I wish that I could give him those experiences and desiring that yearning of his to be fulfilled. When we found out we were pregnant I wondered if we got another girl how would he feel. He joked with us saying he couldn't have another sister because he would be so girl trapped we all laughed about it but Deke and I could sense his desire.
One night he said to me: "Mom I just really hope the baby is a boy and that I am getting a brother. Some nights I hear Emma and Avery telling stories and laughing in their room together and I feel so lonely." I could feel my heart breaking. Please I silently pleaded, please. A few weeks later we found out a brother was on his way. Over the next few months we had several discussions just Deke, Hunter and I about the brother that was to come. Hunter would tell us all the things he would teach him and share his excitement with us. The night Hudson was born the first time Hunter saw him he said with tears, "I have waited nine years for this brother!" We smiled because of course it was a little exaggerated but yet the emotion was so real for him. He had wanted this so bad. As he held Hudson in his arms for the first time and looked at him with an expression of love so tender I reminded him that Heavenly Father always listens and shared my testimony with him that I know that He knows the deepest desires of our hearts. I told him that I knew that Heavenly Father had heard his prayers and knew how much he wanted a brother and that he had given him Hudson. He won't get the bunk beds, and his moments of NERF guns and LEGOS will be different than they would have been but its okay. Hunter and Hudson will get something together just as wonderful and together they will make their memories and feel the bond of a brotherhood. All I can think is that Ethan and Dylan while they probably wish at times to be here with them joining in the fun, must be watching and be so happy and grateful that they have each other, until the four of them as brothers can all be together again. A moment that I surely will spend my entire life dreaming and looking forward to......
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