Saturday, February 21, 2009

Ethan and Dylan

Every year I feel this way, I can't believe another year has come and gone. Each year I can't believe how big they would have been and how we are learning to live happily and patiently without them. I marvel at the progress we have made in healing and the faith we have strengthened. Every year we attend the temple to do sealings on their birthday. It is such a sweet reminder to us that our family is eternal. Every year Heavenly Father always provides the tender mercy of some sort of spiritual experience at our temple trips. Some I have shared and some I have not because they are so sacred to me. This year as we were going in the temple President came up to us and introduced himself and asked why we had come to the temple tonight. I felt prompted and so I shared with him why we were there and shared a little bit about the twins. He got this tender look in his eyes as he said "I can understand that completely, many years ago we lost twins boys also their names were Shane and Shawn." He in such a tender way that Deke and I can totally understand shared with us their experience. They had lost Shane and Shawn after only a few hours just like us with Ethan and Dylan. He shared with us their experience and added that throughout the course of their life he and his wife often pause and say "I wonder what it would be like if Shane and Shawn were here." As we talked with him my heart burned with a fire that is indescribable with the spirit. I have met people that have lost children before but he is the first person that I have met since losing the boys that has lost twin boys after only a few hours. He could understand us like no one else could that we have met yet, not to mention having such a strong spirit being the temple president. Our conversation with him was so special and spiritual that the fire comes back to me every time I talk about the experience. It was such a tender conversation. I know that Heavenly Father is so aware of Deke and I and our family and sends us these tender mercies. Ethan and Dylan would have been four this year. I have seen so much healing this year for us. I felt so much peace this year and only cried when it was time to leave their grave sites. I cry everytime I leave because it always is hard to leave them when it is one of the places that I feel close to them. I feel so calm and peaceful. I miss them and always will and some days are still unbelieveably hard but over all we feel peace and are starting to have more understanding and acceptance. We both feel that it is time to move forward, we have felt that so strong. It doesn't mean forgetting them or not loving them as much, it means being patient and faithful about waiting for them. It means that we need to continue on with our family here and continue to grow and enjoy them growing. We are excited to hopefully expand our family again and feel the joy of a new little life. We love you Ethan and Dylan so much you can't even comprehend. "A moment in our arms, forever in our hearts." Love Mommy and Daddy


All week long all Hunter could talk about was going to play in the snow. Last year when we went up there, there was a ton of snow everywhere and it was freezing. So we grabbed the kids some hats and gloves and up the hill we went. We were so sad to see that there was not a lot of snow and it was really icy so it wouldn't even stick together to build a snowman. That didn't stop Hunter from enjoying it though, he jumped right out there and got busy playing. Avery picked some up and then quickly giggled and shook it off her hands. She didn't cry about it or anything but she just wanted Deke to hold her and enjoy the snow from a distance. Hunter cracked us up, he picked up two sticks and would sit on his bum and slide down the hills and use the sticks like ski poles to help scoot him down. Then he would turn around and use the sticks to help him climb back up the hill. Then of course he and Deke had to engage in a snow fight. I could hardly contain myself as he ordered me to follow him. He had us hiding behind a tree then when Deke wasn't looking we would dart to the next tree and hide, making our way up the mountain towards Deke who was also tracking us through the forest in a stealth like manner. He was totally serious as if we were actually on some kind of forest mission. Maybe time to start decreasing the "lego agent" play at home. :) He had us ducking behind a couple of large boulders and kept giving me orders like, "mom head west east to the third tree base" and "I see the target at 29, 58 degrees...go go go!" Once we finally reached Deke at the top of the hill Hunter red in the cheeks giggling quietly with glee at being within range of getting dad and I panting heavily from my recent lack of practice sprinting through the forest and carrying about five stick "guns" we prepared for the attack.

Hunter all of a sudden charged with snowball in hand towards dad and nailed him with a snowball only to temporarily enjoy his victory before getting pounded with a mass of snowballs by dad. It was was such a blast, I love my guys and I love the way they make me laugh. There is always something fun to do with those two around.