Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Our baby girls' room

Our crib has had this cream net and feminine adornment for seven years now.  I will never forget about a month after we started the adoption process Deke came home one night and surprised me with a vintage baby girl crib bedding set.  I hadn't picked it out he had done it on his own and I LOVED it!! It was exactly what I would have chosen myself.  We knew we were waiting to adopt a little girl and so we wanted to get the nursery all set up while we were waiting.  When I put the bedding on and added the cream net it looked so feminine and sweet.  I could just imagine my sweet baby girl laying inside sleeping.  It was girl heaven for me.  I loved that crib set the whole time Avery was in a crib and when she turned three and moved to a big girl bed I was right in the middle of the ups and downs of trying to get pregnant again.  I told Deke I just couldn't bear the thought of taking the crib down because in a way it would make me feel like I might never be a mom again which was my fear.  A month later I got pregnant and what do you know another sweet daughter was on her way.  I have loved this crib set with Emma.  I loved the way the light would come through the window and light up the net and down onto her sleeping face.  Dressed in something frilly, smelling sweet and looking like an angel, I wondered if there is anything more precious than a baby girl surrounded by all this softness.  

 Hanging her blesssing dress up on the wall to remind me of how tiny she was and how special that day was.  I love just being in my girls room.  Not because it is anything spectacular or that it is even exactly what I want it to be.  But it is the sweetness I feel in there.  The colors and patterns reminding me of them both as tiny babies.  Ruffled diaper covers, giant flower headbands way bigger than their heads and the snuggliest pink blankets.  There have been times watching them sleep in that crib that I have felt so close to heaven.  My girls are not babies anymore.  Emma has moved out of the crib, a transition that way so emotional for me.  I could not be more excited about getting to have a baby boy again but I have to admit as I stripped my crib of its lace and ruffles.....I felt it.  There were tears.  As we moved it to Hunter's room and it sits there bare it is weird for me.  I can't wait to get his crib set in the mail and get it all set up for him.  I look forward to soon peeking inside and seeing his chubby cheeks and his little fists grasped around his blanket.  So now there are two twin beds in the girls room, waiting for new bedding and the room needs updating.  It is time for a change.  I decided to take a couple pictures before we took everything down so the girls can see it one day.  Here is their hair bow holder......

some simple little decor things on the changing table...this is one of my favorite newborn shots of Emma.  I love the way her whole hand is grabbing my one finger, she is so tiny.

shot of the room.....

dress up area with tutus and princess dresses, a small portion of Ave's dress up shoes.....when Avery turned two I found this wood sign that said, "One shoe can change your life"-Cinderella.  It goes perfect both for my little shoe lover and this designated dress up area.

The girls love this and I love it because it is easy for them to choose their outfits and also allows them to be able to clean up on their own as well.  I want to keep this when I redo their room but I would love to find a cream oval shaped mirror to put next to it so that they can see themselves modeling the different outfits.  I love seeing all the sparkles and tulle that resides on this little shelf. fun, fun, fun!!

tissue paper pom poms with little butterflies hanging over Ave's bed....

Avery's bed and her first stuffed animal that we bought before she was born her hippo.....

the view I have loved so many times looking down in on one of my two sleeping little ladies. a memory so sweet to me.

there is no way that all the bows and bands will fit on their decorative board so we also have a drawer stuffed full of more headbands and bows.  Filled to the brim and yet I still seem to be making and finding
more that they "need" for their outfits.

Even though I am going through some sadness that there are no more baby girls in our house right now there are still two beautiful busy girls running around and I can't wait to find new things for their girly space and make more memories with them there.  I possibly have been searching out bedspreads already and pinning anything that looks like it might be fun for their room.  No need to be bummed I remind myself there are still plenty and I mean plenty of "girl stuff" ahead :) :) :)

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Of course she trained herself.

I had been totally discouraged.  There has been such a lack of interest in the subject since she turned two that I really haven't even brought it up.  We tried getting her excited about it, tried pointing out her friends that wore big girl panties, asked if she would like to go.  Every time she would cutely reply "No, I not want to mommy.  No thanks."  I had resolved myself to the thought that I was going to for the first time have two kids in diapers. Hunter and Ave were both just a month or two shy of turning three when they potty trained.  Hunter's was an up and down rollercoaster of off and on readiness and then no interest for months before he finally got consistent and trained.  Avery had little interest here and there but then a month short of turning three trained fully through the night and everything in one weekend.  Then almost three weeks ago Emma and I woke up and I realized that we were out of diapers and since we only had one vehicle at the time and Deke had it I had no diapers for her until his lunch break.  I went in and grabbed a pair of Avery's underwear and told her that we had no more diapers and so she would have to wear Ave's special big girl panties. I told her that she couldn't get Avery's pretty underwear wet so she would have to go on the potty.  This is going to be  a nightmare I thought to myself imagining all the clean up and headache.  Determined to at least try I started setting a timer and taking her every twenty minutes.  After about an hour I quickly remembered how EXHAUSTING potty training is and especially when you are this pregnant.  However soon after I put her on the potty and she actually peed!!!! I was floored. Lucky chance I thought sure that it would not happen again.  So I continued all day every twenty minutes making the trek to the bathroom having her step up the stairs since I am on a lifting restriction and she went eight times by the time Deke came home from work with only one accident all day!!!!!  I practically lived in that bathroom for the entire day.  Now I was motivated.  My back was killing me, I was exhausted but I was determined no turning back now I was going to push this full steam ahead.  That night I put her in a pullup and the next morning right into big girl panties.  She peed on the toilet all day, no accidents and even stayed dry in underwear during nap.  Icing on the cake was that by the second day she was coming and telling me she had to go potty.  I kept shaking my head in disbelief and waiting for the fallout.      
With her fun princess seat, enough books for a lifetime and plenty of crackers, and fun treats to motivate we pushed ahead having the entire family make a huge deal every single time she used the bathroom.

That night we took her to WalMart and told her to pick out whatever panties she wanted.  She quickly chose some Tangled ones and another pack of princess ones.
Cheesy grin in the cart at WalMart getting her first pairs....
She may have also gotten a doctor kit for her baby dolls and a really cute set of Minnie Mouse dishes for her kitchen as well :) :) :)
After three days without accidents and staying dry at nap time and waking up in a dry pullup by morning I was convinced that she was trained.  It is amazing!!!! So nice to have a small break from the diapers and I am so grateful for the break on the budget as well to not be buying diapers for two.  It is crazy to me that she is six months younger than the other kids were and she practically trained herself in a day or two.  She is AWESOME!!  It is still so weird to me that she is old enough to be taking this step because she has been my baby for so long it is hard to realize that she isn't anymore and that she is a big sister now.  It didn't help that in the same week that she potty trained she also informed us that she didn't want to sleep in her crib she wanted a big girl bed like Avery.  First night didn't get up once, second night the same.  Like the potty training, amazing!!!!  She sleeps in a big girl bed now every night, never an issue.  Again six months earlier with this milestone than her older siblings.  The first night tucking her into the bed her looking so small in this giant bed I bawled like a baby.  It has been hard for me, I am proud of her and know it is time but she is the baby that I waited so long for and accepting that she is one no longer has been hard for me.  I shouldn't feel this way because I held, snuggled, played, kissed and enjoyed every single moment of her babyhood and don't feel like I missed out on anything but since I have been pregnant she has turned two and transformed into a full fledged toddler and I have moments of missing that tiny baby girl.  I am so thankful though for her smooth transition into two life changes that can be a little challenging.  Like her personality she peacefully and happily glides right through making it look so easy.  I love you Miss E, you are such a beautiful big toddler and you are going to be a great big sister.  Good job sweet girl :)

Almost ready for baby....

So this past week after getting my hospital bag all packed I decided I should get baby's bag packed as well. It was really fun to pick up some lotion, binkies, newborn diapers (and awe at how tiny they are!!!) and other things that he will need at the hospital.  I grabbed up some newborn jammies and some swaddle blankets.  Here is a belly shot from two weeks ago.....
One of the newborn outfits dad picked out for him....

I found this cute purse at JcPenney's and loved the idea of using it for his diaper bag.  It is cute for me to use as a purse/bag and it holds everything I will need as well.  I really L-O-V-E this silly little frog stuffed animal I found for him at Target because it just makes me think baby boy.  It has been fun to look at this bag sitting in my room and realize how close it is to meeting this new little son.

Clothes that we have for him so far are washed and hung in the closet next to big brothers :)
Have his crib set all picked out and ordering this week....going to add touches of green to bring in some color.
Waiting any day for Hunter's new Sean White bedspread for his new bed.  He loves that it is made by sean white which cracks us up because he doesn't skateboard and has never really said anything about him before until this year, but anyway.  We got him a new queen sized bed and he is in heaven.  He took forever finding a bedspread and this isn't even a great picture of it from the Target site but it is pretty sweet, minus the weird throw pillows that we will be doing without.  You can't tell but it has black and teal stitching on it which is really cool.  It is going to be fun to be redoing the boys room.
The cute carseat cover I bought him from Carseat Canopy that with the discount code ending up only being $12 and some change including all taxes and shippping!!!  It is really cute and the inside fabric is a gray soft minky dot fabric.  I have never had one of these because it has usually been to hot in the seasons with the other kids to have any blankets over them.  Since he is a fall baby though it will be perfect and nice to keep covered when he is still tiny and we have to go places where there are going to be a lot of people with germs.  Also I think that it deters people from bothering him if he is sleeping if it is closed.  
I am definitely nesting right now.  I just want to fold the clothes and blankets over and over, have tried the bassinet in different spots in our bedroom and opened the lid of the baby lotion at least a million times to smell it and envision his soft chubby skin.  It is almost here and I am so excited!!!!!!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

An act of love.

About a month ago my sisters were in town for a few days.  Dad and Lisa called and said they wanted to come over and spend the day and visit at the house.  We decided we would probably go to the sea life aquarium to spend the day.  I was really excited to see everybody.  About ten minutes before they got here they called and Deke told me and the kids that we had to go wait in the bedroom and stay there until he came and got us.  What in the world is going on? I thought.  We started taking guesses as to our detainment. I thought either there was a surprise for the kids or Brenn and Kaulin had gotten a sibling for Wilbur and bought a new puppy.  Hunter agreed.  Avery thought that they were all out there practicing to get ready to do a dance for us and Emma thought they were playing.  I could hear some banging around and after about ten minutes Deke came and got us.  When I walked out of my bedroom door I saw this.....

Then they all jumped up from behind the couch and yelled SURPRISE!!  I was in shock.  I didn't cry I was so surprised and completely taken off guard.  I couldn't believe what I saw.  Streamers and little alligator decorations.  Presents, plates, a cake and this cute drawing from Kimbre of Hudson...they were throwing me a baby shower.  Up until this point I had been so scared and worried about a loss that I really didn't want to buy anything and I hadn't even let myself feel the excitement and let it in.  I hadn't even been able to allow myself to accept the reality that I was actually having another baby and that he was doing great and was going to be okay.  I had stressed and worried and lost sleep and in all honesty have struggled so hard.  I actually sought out some counseling to help me deal with my worry and anxiety because at times my fear has felt debilitating.  I have never experienced post partum depression but for me since the twins being pregnant is well just really scary.  It is still so incredible and beautiful and my gratitude is overwhelming but the fact that  loss happens has been a reality for me.  The knowledge that life is fragile and how quickly it can change forever I am well too aware of.  You don't love anything the way you love your children and it is that kind of love that also has the power to almost destroy you when you loose something you care about like that.  I looked around at the time, thought, love and support that had been put into this for me from the people that mean the most in the world to me and I was overwhelmed with love.  I looked around taking it all in as I was told there was more.  This entire day was about celebrating the baby and playing games and having fun.
First everyone went around and guessed the due date, weight and whether they thought he would have an inny or and outty belly button.
It was fun to see his name up on the poster.  We have never picked any of our kids names and known that was what we wanted to name them before they were born.  Seeing it written out just reinforced for me how much I love it and how much I think it will fit him.
With Kimbre in charge of the activities it was sure to be fun and we started off with everyone taking a turn drawing their idea of what they thought Hudson would look like when he was born.  This was hilarious and surprising to see peoples interpretations....aunt marley's was my choice it was just plain cute all wide eyed and swaddled.  Lisa had even brought little give away gifts for the game winners.

 Since our babies always have those scrumptious baby Burch bulldog cheeks.  Seriously one of the things that I am so obsessed with with my babies is their amazing cheeks.  The next game was using marshmellows to stuff your cheeks to look like the cutest baby Burch cheeks.  Then you had to say what Hudson would say right after he was born.  This was extremely entertaining for me who had the job of getting to observe and then judge whose cheeks were the best baby cheeks.

 Emma who got to just eat her marshmellows instead of stuff them thought that this was a great and delicious game.  She was into it.
 This isn't the best picture of it, but Hunter well having a clear advantage being a burch kid and having some really great cheeks was the winner.

 Though I am not going to lie Aunt Brenn's ability to stuff her cheeks was nothing sort of impressive.....

Kimbre's adorable drawing was used to play put the diaper on baby Hudson.  I was pretty darn close with this one.

 This melts my heart.  Want to squeeze the heck out of both of them.
 I couldn't believe when I saw not just a present but multiple bags sitting on the table.  They had all gone together and everyone had each picked out an outfit for the baby which I was very grateful for since I had nothing for this little guy.

 It has been nine years since I have done the boy thing and I am happy to say how much cuter the clothes have gotten and how thankful I am that there is also a much bigger selection to choose from.  This little dinosaur onesie seriously has the softest dinosaur on it and I loved the colors.

The littlest of the big sisters was having fun holding up all the tiny clothes and oohhing and ahhhing with me at their cuteness.  It really hit me when I laid one out across my belly that I was going to soon have a tiny baby in the house again and that there really was going to be someone in that onesie soon.

 Cute and yummy cake to enjoy....

 Little high top shoes from Aunt Brenn....
 ADORABLE Sunday outfit from Aunt Kimbre.  I love love love the little onesie with the tie on it.  It is seriously so cute and I can't wait to take him to church in it.

 Everyone picked out such cute stuff for him.  Aunt Mar got some cute safari animal onesies, football ones from Grandpa, Grandma gave him the dinosaur ones and uncle Alec gave him a cute puppy outfit.
 Uncle Kaulin gave him this fuzzy soft outfit which was Hunter's favorite because he loves the little horns on top of the hood.
 My sisters.  No words sufficient to describe the way I feel about these three, they are amazing.

Another game that I thought was so unique was I was blindfolded and each person had to come up and do their best newborn cry.  Some of them were quite frightening to be honest :) :)  One sounded just like a baby doll when in reality it was Kaulin on his phone and stumped me.  Then someone did an awesome one that seriously sounded so sad that I just yearned to pick it up.  It was Brenn's it was seriously awesome and it when she did it it actually pulled on my heartstrings it sounded so sad.  Pictures of Hunter and Ave doing their cries......
 Avery's was actually really good, just not quite at Brenn's level :)
 The next game was a "drinking" game.  The drink being milk, yuck not a fan.  Each person had to try to get the ball into the cup by bouncing it on the table.  If they missed they had to drink a cup of milk, if they got it in they chose someone who had to drink a glass of milk.  Fun unless you are the person drinking cup after cup of milk.  Ewwww, that's just gross.

 Em having fun hanging out with Aunt Mar.....
 Avery of course with her favorite person in her favorite spot.  This girl LOVES her uncle Kaulin.  Always has.
 The Krebs fam looking awfully cute with two little girls on their laps.  They so need to be parents sometime in the near future they are going to be awesome.
Literally all day we played games, laughed so hard, opened cute baby things, visited, more laughing.  Went out and had lunch and came back and pigged out on cake.  It was an awesome day.  It honestly couldn't have been more fun and there was nothing I needed more.  At first when I walked out I was so taken back I felt nothing but fear of allowing the joy in and embracing what is happening right now in my life.  It was hard to think of letting go of the fear that has been so consuming of me and let it the happiness and peace that all is well and that Hudson is doing great and going perfectly.  It only took a few seconds to open up and then I wasn't prepared for the flood gate that opened.  I thoroughly enjoyed every second and once everyone left I felt a peace and excitement that I had been holding at bay.  All evening I kept staring at the decorations and holding the little clothes and soaking in the warmth and love that I felt.  I was so touched that my family who has known the sometimes dark realities of my struggles and worry and pain had all pulled together to support me and show me how much they love me.  I felt so supported and something in me changed.  The next morning I woke up and felt so happy and the excitement and positive energy was still there.  I didn't take the decorations down for three days.  From this act of love I feel like I had a turning point, I started having a lot more good days.  I wanted to start buying things for him and getting stuff ready.  Mostly though it was how I felt, I was finally embracing it and embracing it for the reality of what was actually happening not living in my fears.  Hudson is doing so awesome, he is growing perfect and I have not had any complications thus far.  Heavenly Father has blessed and protected him and I and the pregnancy is going so well.  I feel so immensely blessed in my life right now.  I love this little boy and I can't wait to kiss him and snuggle him.  My family is amazing and I will never forget this day and what they did for me.  The way that it helped me and the way it made me feel.  All of you will never know the depth of love that I have felt from each of you.  Thank you family, for knowing what I needed even more than I did and being so aware of my struggles and desires of my heart, I love you so much.