Friday, June 18, 2010

Could those cheeks get any chubbier?

Seriously, they are amazingly, deliciously chubby. The skin just sort of oozes and you can't help but want to munch on them. She is definitely our chunkiest baby yet. People are always saying how cute she is, then they add, "look at those cute cheeks." I will never forget going with Nalene for one of the 3D ultrasounds. The ultrasound tech did a close up on her face and both of us started cracking up because we couldn't believe how chubby her cheeks were. You could tell on the ultrasound. They are so softy and we love to kiss them.

The story behind these shoes...

My sister Kimbre and I have always been able to talk and never run out of things to say. I love our conversations. We talk about our joys, our struggles, and our journey through life. Over the last couple of years a major concept that kept coming up for both of us was faith. We were both going through some very difficult times in our lives. Though the circumstances were different the concept of applying faith was the thing that both of us were struggling with. One day I was at a store just browsing and came across a display of black gift bags with the word Faith written on them. I had a thought come to my mind and quickly grabbed two and brought them home. A couple weeks later Kimbre was in town. We drove over to Target and in the car I pulled out the bags. I told her that I had thought about something an exercise of sorts that I wanted us to do together. We talked about how we were both working on increasing our faith in certain areas. I told her that we were going to go inside and find an object that represented the thing that we were waiting and hoping for in our lives. Then we were going to put it in our Faith bag representing turning it over to Heavenly Father and then having faith. We would hold onto each other's bags until this thing had come to pass and then we would give it back along with a letter that we had written to one another. For me it was having faith that I would ever have a child again. As we walked into the baby section I could feel the tears coming up in my eyes. Tiny little onesies, soft fuzzy blankets, small little church dresses etc. etc. etc. I started to remember why I usually avoided this section. Being so close to things that felt so far away and that I wanted so desperately emotion was high. I started to question myself at why I had felt like this would be a good idea and wondered if I actually believed in what I was doing. I reminded myself that sometimes trying to walk forward wanting to believe something can happen is a step towards having faith that it will happen. Thinking of wrapping a tiny little baby in a warm blanket, I thought for sure my choice would be a blanket for my bag. Then I saw a tiny pair of flip flops hanging on a rack. On the top of each sandal was a coral pink crocheted flower. They were so sweet. So tiny and feminine and sweet. "OOhhhhh, Kimbre look" I said as I picked them up. My heart burned with the desire to have a pair of tiny feet to put them on. This is what I want for my bag I said. Then realizing that I most likely would have another boy I found a cute blue pair with a surfer look to put in the bag as well. Feeling my heartache and longing rise to the surface I wondered again why I was doing this. Then it was Kimbre's turn. She found something that represented the thing that she was and is still waiting to come to fruition in her life. Then we bought them, put them in the bags and took each other's bags. About a year later I got pregnant with Emma. At my baby shower Kimbre and I were both distraught when she told me that they had looked everywhere and they couldn't find the bag anywhere with the little shoes. Months went by and I had forgotten about them when one night a package came to the door. I was sitting on the couch with Em in my arms when Deke brought the package over. Totally oblivious to what might be in it I opened the box as little paper hearts flooded out onto my lap over Emma and I. Then I knew. Barely able to see through the tears I reached down and picked up a little pair of sandals with pink crocheted flowers. Then a letter from my sister expressing her love and happiness for us. A letter to Emma that touched my heart about Kimbre's love for her and joy at her arrival. Then I just sat and cried. What do you know I did have a girl. It was June, the perfect season for sandals and their size was just right. They fit her perfectly. As I put them on her little feet I was so grateful. I felt Heavenly Father's awareness of me in both the huge desires and the small details. There were tiny feet now filling those shoes and the tiny feet belonged to our daughter. My daughter. His daughter, that he has so amazingly sent to my home to love and cherish and raise. That day at Target I wanted so badly to be able to know that this would come to fruition in my life but I didn't. All I knew was my desire for it to happen and my faith that Heavenly Father could make it happen in my life. I am grateful for his tender mercy. I know with all my heart that Kimbre's desire will be fulfilled as well. I look forward anxiously for it to happen. I feel warm inside thinking about her time of joy. I love her so much.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A peace in my soul

Last weekend we finally headed up north. Up to see our boys. It has been since Feb. 2009 almost sixteen months since we last got to visit them. When I got pregnant with Emma I was restricted to no travel over an hour away. Finally we could go and I felt like we could not get there fast enough. Being there in the pine trees and the quiet I can feel them so close. It is beautiful and still and I can reflect. When we got there Deke and Hunter got out and instantly started kneeling down and picking the weeds from around their grave. Then Hunter and Ave so quietly and reverently walked around and gathered weeds, pinecones, and pine needles from off of the surrounding graves. It pricked a very tender part of my heart as I watched my little ones serving their brothers in such a sweet way. Hunter talks about them a lot. Sometimes he cries for them and a part of me feels like my heart is literally breaking at his pain. Tears streamed down his little cheeks as he asked us when his brothers will come back. Tears were fought as we calmly tried to explain to him that we didn't know when we just know that they would. What faith in us and what we are telling him, what faith in Heavenly Father this little six year old has had to have going through this trial with us. Hunter has always been a sensitive kid, he is a very deep thinker and just loves people. I know he misses them deeply at times. It is hard not to be able to take the pain away from him. As I knelt down on the grass holding Emma I felt healing. There are still days that I miss them so much, I feel so incomplete, a part of me is missing and empty. However, today those once achy arms hold a warm snuggly ball of chub. My tears fall on a beautiful head of dark hair. Big blue eyes look up at me questioning what is wrong. Emma has not taken away the pain or filled the void that will always be there until they are in our arms again but she has helped us heal. For the first time in a long soul is at peace. The impression came to me that Ethan and Dylan were feeling so much joy for Deke and I that we had been able to have such a wonderful pregnancy and now had Emma. I felt as if they were sharing in our happiness. I feel like they probably helped her get ready and helped in sending her to earth to be with us. The image of the three of them in heaven together, her big brothers excitedly preparing her to come be with Dad, Mom, Hunter and Avery touches my very core. I can feel their joy. I can feel that they feel happy that Deke and I are doing so well and are patiently applying faith as we wait for them. I know they know the depth of our love for them. We are moving on...not from them but towards them as we continue through the path that is our life. Expanding our family and continuing to add all its little members so that when we are with them again there are no more "empty chairs." Right in this moment as I sit here holding her, next to them... my soul is at peace.

Reunion time

Every year we look forward to our Adams family reunion. It celebrates the life of my Great Grandma Adams. Usually we all arrive on Friday and everyone camps for the weekend. This year however we held the reunion at one of my uncle's homes. They have around fifty acres up north on Great Grandma's orginal property. The property is so beautiful, it has a creek running through it, there are horses, llamas and all other sorts of creatures, an orchard, a barn with a hayloft, and a beautiful meadow. Deke and I had so much fun visiting with cousins that we had not seen in a few years, eating yummy food and taking in the gorgeous weather. The kids were absolutely fascinated with playing in the hay, hanging out by the creek and having so much space to run and play. The guys played their usual game of "old guys" versus "young guys" football I guess now that Deke is 30 he is officially part of the old guy team.Part of the reunion every year is a raffle. Everyone brings items either homemade or bought and we all buy tickets and put them in for the items that we are interested in. It is always fun to see what different people win or sometimes the gag gifts that people end up with. Avery of course wanted to put all her tickets in for a pair of decked out flip flops of course to feed her shoe need. Hunter won a couple of Tonka trucks and a slinky. I won some cute hairbows that my cousin Brittany made. I loved watching the kids play around in the hay. They jumped in it and threw it in the air and jumped off of it and hid in it. They found a baby bird up inside the hayloft and climbed up and down the ladder all day. Emma was passed from arms to arms and in her true mellow nature just slept and then smiled at whoever was taking their turn holding her.

At night the kids all crammed into our tent which they loved but was extremely squished and looks totally uncomfortable. However I think that they were all so exhausted that they probably didn't even know the difference. Always lots of fun.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Cute kids

Trying to get a picture of all three of them looking is not an easy task. It really doesn't matter though because no matter how you slice it, these three are just plain cute.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Baby kisses

I love when my babies "give me kisses" even though they are actually only rooting around looking to nurse I love that they give those sweet little open mouth kisses. Then if they manage to get close enough they will latch on to your cheek or chin and start sucking, it cracks me up. I just love kissing and holding Emma, she is such a cuddly baby. I know that Heavenly Father knew how much I needed to have that snuggling with a little one again. How much I have longed for it. I seriously need to work on putting her down more but I can't help it I just love to hold her, stare at her and laugh at every silly facial expression she makes. I love having a baby in the house, it feels so good.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Smiling at Mr. Giraffe

Well Emma has been randomly smiling at us for a couple of weeks now but it has only in the last week gotten consistent. Now if Deke or I sit and talk to her she will coo at us and smile back at us as we smile and talk to her. However last weekend at my dad's house we found someone or something else rather that she loves to smile at. Dad and Lisa bought her some soft blankets and a couple of cute little stuffed animals for her crib at their house including a cute little giraffe. When you wind it it plays a little lullaby and moves its head slowly side to side. The first time we wound it up and put it in front of her she was mezmerized. The next morning Dad and I were sitting and watching her stare at it when she started smiling at it! It was so sweet. Later that afternoon Brenn and I put it in front of her and she smiled at it like three times. The next morning before we left we showed Deke and sure enough she smiled some more. Of course the first time when I tried to take pictures with her and the giraffe she not only wouldn't smile at it but wouldn't let me take her binky out for more than two seconds. She is quite the binky baby. She still looked so adorable though, she has the prettiest blue eyes. I have always made my kids baby quilts but they have never had a blanket that they were attached to or drug around the house. However, my kids have all had a stuffed animal that attached to. It does make me laugh though that it was always a different one than the ones we tried to give them. Hunter was given the softest brown teddy bear when he was a baby. He thought it was okay but nothing compared to the little puppy that he did attach to, Rusty, who has been carried around everywhere with him since he was two. When we found out Avery was coming we found the most adorable pink hippo wearing a pink headband it is seriously the cutest. Avery however fell in love with the little stuffed animal cow Moo that she is totally attached to. Now there is Emma, when we found out she was a girl Deke and I bought her this cute little paisley puppy:
About a week after she was born Hunter and I spotted this cute pink penguin that we had to get for her that is also so sweet. Now go figure of course she loves Mr. Giraffe. The other morning she woke up and was laying on the couch when I put the giraffe next to her and she started smiling like crazy. I hurried to get the camera and what do you know I actually caught some shots of her smiling!!! Sorry some of them are blurry but she was moving around a lot. Looking at them melts my heart. Doesn't she have the sweetest smile?? I absolutely love this pic: She is so bright eyed and is looking right at him like they are having a little conversation. She has those big blue eyeballs that remind me so much of Hunter at that age. Well I know that she loves the giraffe because she can not yet appreciate the girly cuteness of her other stuffed animals and because it sings and moves which is granted entertaining. It will be interesting to see as she gets bigger which one she attaches to the strongest, or which becomes her favorite. We will have to see but I'm not going to lie, I am still rooting for the penguin :) :)

"You're the cute-tee-est"

Yesterday I was puttting away laundry when I came around the corner and saw this: Then I opened up the blanket and saw this: Avery excitedly giggled, "Look mom I made Emma a princess tent. It's a baby one mom but I can just be in it with Emma." "Emma, your the cute-tee-est" she squealed to her about ten octaves too high and then a little too roughly tickled under Emma's neck. "Mom, she is the cute-tee-est baby." She told me and again went into soprano as she continued to talk to Emma about an inch away from her face. Cute-tee-est is Ave's favorite term of endearment for her little sis. Emma looked up at me arms flailing around with her eyes looking like a deer in the headlights. She cooed at me cautiously for reassurance that she was okay, unsure that she was enjoying this little escapade. I closed the blanket again and it was about ten minutes before I started to hear Miss E's little sounds of complaint. I opened the blanket and Emma instantly looked up at me with eyes that said "please save me" so I reached in to get her out. Avery was distraught because I had stopped their "playing princesses" but I assured her that she'd have plenty of time for princess play with her sister. She is so cute, so loves being a big sister it is going to be so fun to watch them.

Some things from childhood...

It is always fun to do things with your kids that you did when you were a kid. It seems like this week there has been a lot of little things like that that we have been doing around the house. The other Saturday we had each person pick an activity to do as a family. Avery wanted everyone to play "Hullabaloo" a game that she loves, Hunter had everyone play LEGO's, Deke wanted to make cookies and I wanted to play Don't Eat Pete! a game that we used
to play when we were little. This is the game board: Then you take M&M's and put one on each square. Someone goes out of the room and the other players decide which M&M is going to be "Pete" When the person comes back in they start choosing M&M's one by one and eating them. If they pick up the one designated as Pete everyone yells, "Don't eat Pete." It is a really simple game but it is fun because hey you get to eat chocolate and I'll admit it it is kind of a small thrill as you are trying to avoid getting Pete. I always get a little scared as I am eating because everytime they all yell I jump a little bit. When we introduced this game to the kids they loved it. I remember loving it as a kid and love watching them enjoy it toThen the other day Hunter and I were discussing what to eat for breakfast and I decided to make some eggs. What goes better with eggs than toast I thought so of course I was going to do toast on the side. Then I remember cinnamon/sugar toast. Okay come on admit it if you have ever tried it it is so yummy. Not something you want to have very often but fun to have every once in awhile. Hunter loved helping me mix the cinnamon and sugar and trying to get it just right. I had memories of Kimbre and I piling on the butter to make sure that we could get a ton of the sugar mixture on the bread. Kimbre and I loved trying to make our own concoctions. We loved to make our own little pizza's on english muffins and make our own personally seasoned pizza sauce. When we were really little we used to take cheeze-its and hold them next to the light bulbs in the lamps because we thought that we were making those brown spots on them. Normal kids attempt lemonade stands but not Kimbre and I, oh no we had pickle stands. My mom would get the jar of giant pickles from Sam's Club and we would try to sell them wrapped in a napkin. When we would eat them we would pre salt each bite. There are a milion more examples of interesting food attempts it is a miracle that we are not obsese as much time as we spent experimenting with food. Also mom how about a little supervision on the kids attempting to cook crackers by heating source of light bulb? :) :) As if my kids aren't probably currently attempting their own interesting feats in the "fort" they are making under the kitchen table as I sit here and blog. Kimbre, I love you sis :) Finally something that doesn't involve food or sugar. With the recent end of school for Bug we started planning out activities during the week to do with the kids. I went online and signed the kids up for the summer reading program at the library. It is really fun because they both have to read five books to get a prize and they can earn four prizes and then at the end they get a new book. The prizes actually look decent to not just something that will break in five seconds. Now that we have started they get out their little charts everyday and want to fill them out. Hunter practically read all five books in an hour after getting them and was disappointed when I told him that he would have to wait until Mon. when we went to the library again to get his prize. I loved reading as a kid and still love reading. I always loved doing the reading program in the summer time and again it is a blast to watch my kids love to do it as well. I often wonder what things do Deke and I do with the kids that are new Burch traditions that our kids will love so much that they eventually take them into their homes someday. It will be fun to watch and see.