Thursday, September 13, 2012

An act of love.


About a month ago my sisters were in town for a few days.  Dad and Lisa called and said they wanted to come over and spend the day and visit at the house.  We decided we would probably go to the sea life aquarium to spend the day.  I was really excited to see everybody.  About ten minutes before they got here they called and Deke told me and the kids that we had to go wait in the bedroom and stay there until he came and got us.  What in the world is going on? I thought.  We started taking guesses as to our detainment. I thought either there was a surprise for the kids or Brenn and Kaulin had gotten a sibling for Wilbur and bought a new puppy.  Hunter agreed.  Avery thought that they were all out there practicing to get ready to do a dance for us and Emma thought they were playing.  I could hear some banging around and after about ten minutes Deke came and got us.  When I walked out of my bedroom door I saw this.....




Then they all jumped up from behind the couch and yelled SURPRISE!!  I was in shock.  I didn't cry I was so surprised and completely taken off guard.  I couldn't believe what I saw.  Streamers and little alligator decorations.  Presents, plates, a cake and this cute drawing from Kimbre of Hudson...they were throwing me a baby shower.  Up until this point I had been so scared and worried about a loss that I really didn't want to buy anything and I hadn't even let myself feel the excitement and let it in.  I hadn't even been able to allow myself to accept the reality that I was actually having another baby and that he was doing great and was going to be okay.  I had stressed and worried and lost sleep and in all honesty have struggled so hard.  I actually sought out some counseling to help me deal with my worry and anxiety because at times my fear has felt debilitating.  I have never experienced post partum depression but for me since the twins being pregnant is well just really scary.  It is still so incredible and beautiful and my gratitude is overwhelming but the fact that  loss happens has been a reality for me.  The knowledge that life is fragile and how quickly it can change forever I am well too aware of.  You don't love anything the way you love your children and it is that kind of love that also has the power to almost destroy you when you loose something you care about like that.  I looked around at the time, thought, love and support that had been put into this for me from the people that mean the most in the world to me and I was overwhelmed with love.  I looked around taking it all in as I was told there was more.  This entire day was about celebrating the baby and playing games and having fun.
First everyone went around and guessed the due date, weight and whether they thought he would have an inny or and outty belly button.
It was fun to see his name up on the poster.  We have never picked any of our kids names and known that was what we wanted to name them before they were born.  Seeing it written out just reinforced for me how much I love it and how much I think it will fit him.
With Kimbre in charge of the activities it was sure to be fun and we started off with everyone taking a turn drawing their idea of what they thought Hudson would look like when he was born.  This was hilarious and surprising to see peoples interpretations....aunt marley's was my choice it was just plain cute all wide eyed and swaddled.  Lisa had even brought little give away gifts for the game winners.

 Since our babies always have those scrumptious baby Burch bulldog cheeks.  Seriously one of the things that I am so obsessed with with my babies is their amazing cheeks.  The next game was using marshmellows to stuff your cheeks to look like the cutest baby Burch cheeks.  Then you had to say what Hudson would say right after he was born.  This was extremely entertaining for me who had the job of getting to observe and then judge whose cheeks were the best baby cheeks.





 Emma who got to just eat her marshmellows instead of stuff them thought that this was a great and delicious game.  She was into it.
 This isn't the best picture of it, but Hunter well having a clear advantage being a burch kid and having some really great cheeks was the winner.

 Though I am not going to lie Aunt Brenn's ability to stuff her cheeks was nothing sort of impressive.....

Kimbre's adorable drawing was used to play put the diaper on baby Hudson.  I was pretty darn close with this one.

 This melts my heart.  Want to squeeze the heck out of both of them.
 I couldn't believe when I saw not just a present but multiple bags sitting on the table.  They had all gone together and everyone had each picked out an outfit for the baby which I was very grateful for since I had nothing for this little guy.

 It has been nine years since I have done the boy thing and I am happy to say how much cuter the clothes have gotten and how thankful I am that there is also a much bigger selection to choose from.  This little dinosaur onesie seriously has the softest dinosaur on it and I loved the colors.

The littlest of the big sisters was having fun holding up all the tiny clothes and oohhing and ahhhing with me at their cuteness.  It really hit me when I laid one out across my belly that I was going to soon have a tiny baby in the house again and that there really was going to be someone in that onesie soon.

 Cute and yummy cake to enjoy....

 Little high top shoes from Aunt Brenn....
 ADORABLE Sunday outfit from Aunt Kimbre.  I love love love the little onesie with the tie on it.  It is seriously so cute and I can't wait to take him to church in it.

 Everyone picked out such cute stuff for him.  Aunt Mar got some cute safari animal onesies, football ones from Grandpa, Grandma gave him the dinosaur ones and uncle Alec gave him a cute puppy outfit.
 Uncle Kaulin gave him this fuzzy soft outfit which was Hunter's favorite because he loves the little horns on top of the hood.
 My sisters.  No words sufficient to describe the way I feel about these three, they are amazing.



Another game that I thought was so unique was I was blindfolded and each person had to come up and do their best newborn cry.  Some of them were quite frightening to be honest :) :)  One sounded just like a baby doll when in reality it was Kaulin on his phone and stumped me.  Then someone did an awesome one that seriously sounded so sad that I just yearned to pick it up.  It was Brenn's it was seriously awesome and it when she did it it actually pulled on my heartstrings it sounded so sad.  Pictures of Hunter and Ave doing their cries......
 Avery's was actually really good, just not quite at Brenn's level :)
 The next game was a "drinking" game.  The drink being milk, yuck not a fan.  Each person had to try to get the ball into the cup by bouncing it on the table.  If they missed they had to drink a cup of milk, if they got it in they chose someone who had to drink a glass of milk.  Fun unless you are the person drinking cup after cup of milk.  Ewwww, that's just gross.






 Em having fun hanging out with Aunt Mar.....
 Avery of course with her favorite person in her favorite spot.  This girl LOVES her uncle Kaulin.  Always has.
 The Krebs fam looking awfully cute with two little girls on their laps.  They so need to be parents sometime in the near future they are going to be awesome.
Literally all day we played games, laughed so hard, opened cute baby things, visited, more laughing.  Went out and had lunch and came back and pigged out on cake.  It was an awesome day.  It honestly couldn't have been more fun and there was nothing I needed more.  At first when I walked out I was so taken back I felt nothing but fear of allowing the joy in and embracing what is happening right now in my life.  It was hard to think of letting go of the fear that has been so consuming of me and let it the happiness and peace that all is well and that Hudson is doing great and going perfectly.  It only took a few seconds to open up and then I wasn't prepared for the flood gate that opened.  I thoroughly enjoyed every second and once everyone left I felt a peace and excitement that I had been holding at bay.  All evening I kept staring at the decorations and holding the little clothes and soaking in the warmth and love that I felt.  I was so touched that my family who has known the sometimes dark realities of my struggles and worry and pain had all pulled together to support me and show me how much they love me.  I felt so supported and something in me changed.  The next morning I woke up and felt so happy and the excitement and positive energy was still there.  I didn't take the decorations down for three days.  From this act of love I feel like I had a turning point, I started having a lot more good days.  I wanted to start buying things for him and getting stuff ready.  Mostly though it was how I felt, I was finally embracing it and embracing it for the reality of what was actually happening not living in my fears.  Hudson is doing so awesome, he is growing perfect and I have not had any complications thus far.  Heavenly Father has blessed and protected him and I and the pregnancy is going so well.  I feel so immensely blessed in my life right now.  I love this little boy and I can't wait to kiss him and snuggle him.  My family is amazing and I will never forget this day and what they did for me.  The way that it helped me and the way it made me feel.  All of you will never know the depth of love that I have felt from each of you.  Thank you family, for knowing what I needed even more than I did and being so aware of my struggles and desires of my heart, I love you so much.

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