Emma's birthday pictures and video

Dear Emma, Your first year has been amazing. You are amazing. I love the vibrance of colors in all your pictures. I know I am always a flow of emotions when I talk about you but you are and always have been very close to my heart. It made me think about the way I have felt since you were born. Our life was already so wonderful in almost every way and very blessed. However there was definitely a part of me that had continued to ache since our loss and the frusterations of trying to get pregnant again were wearing on me. I tried to tell myself that I would be okay never getting to have the big swollen belly and feel the tiny kicks. Reminding myself to just be grateful for what I had already been so richly blessed with. However I couldn't let it go. I could feel you with me all the time, this quiet soft but constant feeling that you were there. Once we found out we were pregnant with you I was both ecstatic/scared all at once and felt very guarded against letting too much joy in because I was so afraid of loss. Everyday in my prayers I would thank Heavenly Father that I was still pregnant today and that everything was fine. Then you arrived here safe, calm, healthy and beautiful. Since that moment I have felt indescribable joy. Parts of my world that felt really dark and like they maybe were gone forever have been lit up again brightly with hope and an peace. You make me so happy. I am so in love with you. Thank you for rubbing your chubby little fists in my hair and planting wet drooly kisses all over my face. Thank you for crawling over with your blankie and laying your head in my lap when you are sleepy. For smiling when you see me and belly laughing when I chase you. For snuggling up close on my shoulder and loving to cuddle. I know it sounds silly but when I hug you it has always felt like you throw your little arms around me and hug back and it is so healing. You are a little gentle healer. It feels like as time goes on and the more I hold you close and love on you the more my pain disappears. Things that I have held onto for a long time I have been able to move forward and let go of. To heal. It is interesting that you love Rapunzel so much because even though you don't have hair with the ability to make me stay young (which is okay with me I am okay with aging) like her song you have the power to "heal what has been hurt". I can't wait to see what other wonderful things are in store for you as we watch you grow. Happy Birthday Emma. I love you so much. Love, Mommy

Okay so seriously about her party. Of course she had to have a Rapunzel theme, she played for at least a half hour with the plates alone. I think it is adorable that Daddy actually picked out on his own and brought home her Rapunzel plates, cups and birthday sign. He was definitely meant to have daughters. Everytime Em sees the Rapunzel movie trailer on TV she gets up on her knees and starts bouncing up and down, pointing and talking to it. It is so cute. We were orginally going to have her party at the house however when it is eighty degrees with a nice cool breeze it is park time. We found a nice spot between a tree and a lampost to hang her banner and spread out a blanket picnic style. I got her all dolled up in her springy colored tutu, she looked so sweet. We decided to do her presents first and wondered if we were ever going to get the first one opened since she spent like ten minutes just playing with the bow we put on it. We got her a little summer dress and the best part a head band that she can wear with hair attached to it. When she first opened it she loved it and kept smiling and feeling the hair. Then we put it on Avery and she again loved playing with the hair. After we all pretty much took turns wearing the headband we tried it on her and this she was not such a fan of. She wrinkled up her nose and shook her head and wanted it off. To this reaction Deke said, "Hey she knows the difference between real and synthetic" which once again only made me love him more. If it was on her lap or on someone else she loved it. Grandma Tobar and Eden bought her a really adorable Easter dress and her first sippy cup and snacks. However she literally reached in looked at the dress tossed it to the side and dove into the box with both hands for some yogurt melts and bitter cookies. After presents we presented her with the obligatory first cupcake which lets face it is the real highlight of having a first birthday. She pretty much poked at it and sort of nibbled at it for the first little bit and then finally realized that it was sweet. Then she started to chow down. At one point a big chunk fell on her foot and got all in between her toes. Not a problem she just reached down and started eating it off. Nice. The kids got such a kick out of watching her it was really fun. I love the little pink crumb goatee/beard she had acquired by the time it was all said and done. It was such a great day and she was so sweet. Time goes so fast but it has been wonderful. Happy Birthday Emma, we love you!!!!!!!