Note to self....

Avery.  She kills me.  After spending an hour or so making valentine cards for people I started cleaning up the supplies.  Avery was still busy working away on a card so I waited for her to finish.  She came in and asked if she could have some tape to put something on her door.   The scotch was long gone now used to embellish many valentine's from three sets of busy little hands.  So I handed her a piece of duct tape and asked if it would work.  "Yeah that's fine" she told me and then hurried off.  I was intrigued and went to see what she was hanging.  As I came around the corner towards her room she hit me with instant explanation, "Mom since Hunter has Riley for a Valentine and Emma got a valentine card from Andrew no one has given me a Valentine sooo I made one for myself."  She looked at me grinning with sheer self approval.  "That's neat Ave" I said as I walked over to see it.  I couldn't stop smiling as I read the words and had to stifle the laughter that kept threatening to come out.  She had made a valentine to herself.  It is sort of hard to read but this is what it says:  To: Avery From: Avery, Happy Valentine's day and have a great time this year.  I hope you have a fun time.  Top right: Love everybody.  Top left: you are here always, arrow pointing inside a heart.  Um.  I am dying right now.  This is so Ave.  Love her.  So while Avery was making valentine's notes to herself I made a personal note to keep an eye on my almost ten year old who is professing his affection these days in form of written word as well.  For awhile now Hunter has talked about a girl in his class named Riley.  It started with telling me "Mom she is so nice, she always says hi to me and dresses nice."  Soon it was they would play tag and chase in a group and Riley would always tag him to then one day coming home and telling me he liked her.  A couple days later he asked me how he should let her know that he liked her.  He asked if he should write her a note and slip it in her desk as they all headed out to recess.  Oh boy, I thought to myself he is really thinking about this. He asked me not to tell Deke, I think he was worried Deke would tease him.   I told him not to worry about girls and just be their friends and worry about other things.    Well that didn't really work.  Later that week I was bathing Hudson one night, Deke was working late and the girls were already asleep.  Hunter was supposed to be as well but I saw his light on and heard him working on something.  He soon came in and said, "Mom, I  made this for Riley and I'm going to slip it into her desk tomorrow.  It's a Valentine."  He handed me this.......   

A vase of roses, a portrait of a girl whom I am assuming is supposed to be Riley, birds, clouds, hearts with arrows and then up top in cursive my favorite part...a quote or a statement: Love is not just in one place.  Again I was dying.  My mind was racing wondering how to respond to this.  Thoughts speeding through my head. He's only nine years old, why is he using the word love, chill out MeKell it is sweet, yeah but I really don't want him getting this interested in girls yet, and a million other things.  "You did a nice job Hunter, the roses are pretty and your handwriting looks great."  I started.  "I am glad you are friends with Riley and it's okay to like her."  "Just remember though that you are nine and right now it's not time to be worrying about this kind of stuff.  There will be time for girls and right now is time for Nerf guns, hanging with your friends, working on your bike tricks, scouts, and other fun stuff."  Then we talked about how it is okay to like people but that we didn't need to be holding hands or talking about love that he can like Riley and just be her friend and hang out with her.  Then I gave him a hug and said, "Hunter you are such a sweet guy.  I know that when you get to be sixteen and start going out on dates that you are going to have so much fun and do so many cute, romantic things when you get older."  He gave me another hug and said "night mom" and then headed to bed. I tried to absorb what had just happened and looked down at my little Hudson looking wide eyed at me from his bathtub.... 

So many wonderful years ahead of me of moments like this. Parenting can feel so intimidating to me sometimes.  Knowing how to guide them through all these new experiences, trying hard to know the right things to say to direct, support, and teach them.  Worrying about doing it in a way that is best for them as an individual.  Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed in trying to do everything right for them or at times not knowing exactly what to do or say.  I guess I just keep trying my hardest, praying to know how to meet their individual needs and loving them every step of the way.  I hope that my boys are always sweet and romantic and kind to the girls that they will date and eventually marry.  That they will do cute things like Hunter did and write them love letters. I hope that my girls are always so confident about who they are that they can feel okay in those moments where they don't receive certain affirmation from other people.  That they will always love who they are like Avery does now.