Don't judge.

Hudson is going to be seven months.  Really soon.  He still sleeps here.  In the port a crib right next to my side of the bed.  Sometimes when I come in to go to bed he is sleeping with his face smashed into its mesh siding.  That can't be comfortable.  So I slide him back to the middle and then for a brief moment think about how much more comfy he would be sleeping on a nice crib mattress.  Then think to myself "I am just not ready." (Sigh.)  I haven't always been this way.  When I had Hunter he slept in the bassinett next to our bed for about the first eight weeks, then off to the crib he went in his own room by himself.  He was fine, I was fine and that was that.  I am just not the same person that I was then.  My life experiences have changed me.  It is not that I didn't appreciate Hunter as much as I have my other kids it's just that I now forever have a new realization as to how fragile life is.  That every moment given to me with these amazing little people is a gift and what a miracle it is that I have been blessed to have them come to earth healthy and safe.  I can't express how much I cherish them.  I love that when I go to bed, I fall asleep to the sound of his little snoring if he is slightly congested, or his grunting as he is stretching or changing position.  I love that if I suddenly wake up in the night I can look in and see him or put a hand on his chest to make sure I can feel his breathing.  That sometimes before it is quite light he is fussing to nurse and I grab him up and sneak him into bed to feed him and snuggle him.  Probably because having him so close to me that I can feel the rise and fall of his chest and his little hands playing in my hair as he eats...it's the best feeling in the world.  He will not be small that much longer and there is a chance that this maybe the last time I have a baby in the house. Sniff sniff.  Hunter keeps asking when Hudson can come in and sleep in his room, he has been waiting.  Deke keeps teasing me that Hudson is going to hardly get anytime in his crib if I don't move him in there soon.  In all honesty I know it is getting to be time, I want Hudson to sleep comfortably.  It's just that I can hardly stand the thought of him being all the way across the house.  Don't misunderstand me I don't believe in co-sleeping with my kids, Deke and I are actually sort of strict about the whole you have your own bed and this is our bed kind of thing.  I promise he won't be three and still residing at my bedside, but I love having Hudson so close.  I love having a little baby around and all the stuff that comes with it.  So I am going to do what I have been doing which is enjoy it, and "work on it" as far as transitioning him.  We'll get there :) :)