Emma had been talking about dance class for awhile now. She said she wanted to learn to spin, and do her tip toes and jasmine walks. What?? Still not sure what jasmine walks are, tried to get her to show me but she won't. She tells me she hasn't learned how to do it yet. Hmmmmmm very curious about that one. Since she is still only two I decided to try a class through the city's community center. It was only $20 for six weeks which was perfect for her to see if she liked it. So every Wednesday off we headed to see Miss Jenny in her Baby Ballerina class and her friends at dance. The first week the teacher had the moms come in and let the girls get situated. In the corner of the room she had a little princess castle pop up tent. All the little girls besides Emma were running around in and out of the tent, looking at themselves in the mirror. Emma was glued to me, arms around me, peeking out from behind my legs. She is my shy one. She is so chatty once she warms up, in fact she probably talks more than the others but she takes a little while to get used to people. She also does not like to be the center of attention. So as the other little girls ran up when the teacher called their name to get their name tag, I thought about how glad I was that she was going to be getting this social experience. When Miss Jenny called her name she hesitated until I let her forward with a gentle nudge. She walked over and stood by the teacher quietly as she got her name tag and then beat feet back over to me.
The teacher then asked the moms to step outside class was starting and that we could watch from the windows. Emma squeezed tighter. "It's time for class now, I am going to go right outside and watch you from the windows. You can watch me walk over there, you will see me the whole way and I will watch your class." I was worried she would start to cry but she didn't and instead kept her eyes glued onto me until I got situated at the window and she could see me. Then a big smile broke out on her face. The music started and she was out of her shell. Dancing and loving every second of it. I had to laugh when that first class ended and the teacher opened the door. All the moms were standing there waiting. As the little girls flocked out smiling, running to their moms the hallway was full of high pitched mom voices. I couldn't help but laugh as it seemed like everyone was saying the same things, "You did such a good job, I am so proud of you, did you have fun?" Then offering hugs, looking at stickers and putting on jackets. So hilarious the simultaneous reaction that is being a mom.
She had so much fun. She absolutely loved going to class every week. I was really impressed how well she did with following the teacher's instructions. Her teacher did a great job of using lots of fun props for the girls. Every week they had to practice putting bean bags on their heads and walking on their tip toes, putting the bag on their arms in first position and then slowly spinning around. It was actually really neat to see how much they improved with this over the weeks and what a good exercise it was for them. Seeing all those cute little tutu adorned two years old was so sweet.
She also let them use ribbons, wands, rings with streamers and lots of other fun things. Probably Emma's favorite thing was that every week they got to dress up in a different dress up outfit. Some had wings, some had crown, it didn't matter she loved every single one. Miss Jenny was great with the kids, Emma loved dancing and it was nice to see her going in and hugging her friends and chatting away with the other girls.
It has been so fun for her and I have loved going and watching every week. The last week of class they were supposed to have a little mini recital where the moms and dads would come in and watch and could videotape. I was all excited about it. Last week would have been the last week of class but the teacher had missed a week for illness so they added another week on so we would get all the classes we paid for. It happened to be my birthday and so as I dropped Em off into the dance room my cellphone started ringing with a birthday call. I waited until she had gotten into the room and the teacher closed the door then I stepped around the corner and went outside to take the call. I don't like to use my cellphone inside if people are trying to watch. I visited away until about five minutes before class was over then ended my call and headed inside. There were no moms outside watching the class. I opened the classroom door to see all the moms and a couple of grandma's lining the wall all videotaping. Then looked over to the group of two year olds all in little costumes. Emma's eyes lit up and then looked at me as if to say, "Mom! Where have you been?!?!" They were doing their recital. Instantly upset I turned to one of the moms next to me. "I thought the recital was going to be the last week of class??" She told me that since this was the scheduled "last day of class" that the recital was today and that the last week would just be a regular class. Then she added that the teacher had mentioned it last week. Well of course we had been gone last week the one time we missed class. However, I believe I gave my email address and phone number for a reason. No one had contacted me I had no idea the recital was today. Not just that but none of the other moms had come out and tried to get me when I obviously wasn't in there. I was soooooooo upset. Trying to hold back my tears of disappointment and frustration I tried to watch the last part. The teacher called each girl to get their certificate. Each girl would walk up and get it and then stand next to the teacher. Emma was the last to get hers. The teacher handed it to her and then a big smile broke out on Emma's face and she came running to me and threw her arms around my neck. It was so precious and I felt horrible. We walked to the car and I tried to stay calm. We picked up Deke and as he got into the car he said, "Hey Em how was dance class?" Then I lost it. I bawled and bawled. I cried until I had black mascara streaks down my cheeks and the mascara on my eyes was gone. How did this happen? How could I have missed it. I was right around the corner and had no idea. It was so preventable had I known. Frustrated so frustrated. I have never missed any of the kids big moments and never wanted to. "Deke the thing that kills me is that when she was dancing after all her hard work and looked out into the crowd and saw all the other mommies and hers wasn't there." "I wasn't there for her." I cried harder. Deke tried to comfort me by reminding me I had seen every minute of all the other classes, taken a million pictures, video and enjoyed all of it. He told me to remember I didn't know that the recital was going on and that it was okay she was only two and she wasn't going to remember it. "But this was the recital and it is her first extra activity and I missed it. She will never be two again and this moment only comes once." I looked back at her then added, "I just love her so much, she is such an angel" acting as if my blunder was surely going to cause her some type of lifetime drama or feelings of abandonment. Suddenly she piped up from her carseat, "Mommy?" "Yes Emma" I asked, "It smells like dog poop in here" I looked at Deke and we both started dying of laughter. I looked at myself in the mirror and started dying of laughter again. My mascara stained cheeks and red puffy eyes. Oh boy mom gets a little too worked up sometimes too I guess. Em mom is still slightly overtired, trying to get a new schedule down and have all kinds of crazy hormone fluctuations. She is two, Deke's right it is okay. She is going to be fine. In fact it then donned on me how this moment as she is watching my reaction may be slightly confusing for her. Probably not the best example I want her to see of how to handle frustration. Great I am 0 for 2 today I thought. I'm not going to lie I cried again about it later...just a little. Still as I write this it still makes me feel bad because I wanted so badly to be there. I never want there to be a moment when she is looking for me and can't find me. Sis I am so sorry that I missed it but I am always here. Always. After you got your certificate and you came running to my arms that hug you gave me told me though that you already know that.
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