Replacement Ariel

It had to happen.  It was well beyond time.  Remember the old Ariel the one that while cute and the perfect snuggle size had the scariest, nappiest hair you've ever seen? Emma had been playing with that dolls hair twisting it around her finger and twirling it since she was only two months old.  She is now two and a half.  Old Ariel's hair resembled something quite close to that of Medusa, it was frightening.  When we would go out in public and Em would be carrying it I wondered if people might question my parenting and think "Oh poor little girl with that raggedy old doll.  Too bad her mom won't get her a new one, that's so sad."  Even though the doll was clean and not super old her hair was so ratted and notted that every tried and true remedy to fix it failed.  It was to the point that Emma would actually get her fingers stuck and entangled in it when she tried to play with it.  We knew it was time to bring in a replacement.  No problem, I thought and looked at all the places I would regularly doll shop...to no avail.  Surely online then, I told myself thinking you can find anything on the internet.  Which you can except to find out that this particular doll model is not made anymore.  So you either buy someone else's gently used one off of Ebay, which we did not want to do because it is plush and that grosses me out, or you spend a fortune buying one that is now considered a collectible. Sorry Em I love you but we are going to have to compromise.  I could not find a single Ariel plush doll that had the hair that she could play with real hair.  All the dolls I could find with hair only had hard bodies and she wouldn't be able to snuggle and sleep with them comfortably.  Then online at the Disney store I saw they had plush Ariel dolls and even though the hair was fabric it looked soft so I decided to give it a try.  I warned Deke that if it was a no go we would just have to figure something out with old Ariel, ratted or not.  It has been such a special bond for Emma I was not going to take it from her and cause trauma.  If she was ready then we would make the switch and I was going to try to encourage it.  So one morning we woke up and Deke and I made a big deal about going to the Disney store and picking out a new Ariel.  Emma's eyes got wide and she held Ariel up to her face and excitedly said, "Guess what Ariel, we going to get new friend Ariel today."  Oh geez.  I thought now she thinks she is getting a new Ariel as a friend to the current Ariel but will get to keep both.  How do I explain the idea of replacement to her at two.  "Well Ariel's hair has gotten really yucky so we are going to get a new one with nice hair for you. A new Ariel."  She looked me eyebrows furrowed, "No, not new one, Ariel my friend.  I get new Ariel for me have two Ariel's." This was going well.  So we loaded up old Ariel in her hands and headed to the mall.  I told her to leave her in the car and we walked into the store.  Instantly she was caught up in the princess dresses, character pjs and fun toys all around the store.  I didn't see the doll anywhere.  I asked and what do you know it was out of stock.  Awesome.  They did have a mini version of the doll so I took her over to see that one.   "Look mom, Ariel!!" she said and started jumping and reaching for it.  "Oh she is so pretty and soft.  Look at her sparkly tail!!!" I said really laying it on thick.  As it reached her still slightly chubby toddler hands she brought it close and grinned she held the hair and rubbed it on her cheeks telling me how soft it was.  Bingo.  First part of transition accomplished.  So we headed up to the counter and ordered our plush Ariel that would arrive to our home in 7-10 days.  Everyday we would talk about whether or not she would arrive today.  Finally one afternoon a knock at the door and a box addressed to Emma Burch sat on the porch.  We brought it in and I video taped as she opened it.  She was thrilled.  It does something weird to my heart though as I look at these pictures and see old Ariel laying on the floor in the background.  

It has been such a sweet sweet thing to watch my little girl with her cute little hair fettish and her love of that doll.  I have many sweet memories of her as a tiny baby with her small fist clutched in Ariel's hair sleeping, memories of her learning to crawl while still holding Ariel by the hair.  Emma loved the new Ariel and without me even having to push her into it, old Ariel stopped being played with and I brought her to my room.  It probably sounds ridiculous to admit that when I tried to get rid of her I actually got a lump in my throat.  It was harder than I thought to realize that Emma had moved on from her and even though it was time, it was emotional for me to see her go.  That doll has been a source of joy and love and comfort for my little girl and for that reason I love that silly, crazy haired doll and will never forget her.  New Ariel is great and soft and now is getting to be the lucky recipient of Emma's amazing hugs and kisses, but I think my heart will always be with old Ariel for what she was for Emma.  Thanks Ariel, for making her so happy :) :)

First week at home

Hudson's first week home was a busy one filled with visitor's, lots of love from his older siblings, tons of snuggling with mom and being mugged on by his grandma's and grandpa's.  My mom came to help me for a week and great grandma and grandpa Hatch also came down to meet Hudson.  

Emma is absolutely smitten with him, I think she thinks that he belongs to her.  Every chance she gets she is kissing on him or putting his binky in or covering him with a blanket.

Some cute things about Hudson: instead of being curled up like most babies like, Hudson loves his legs stretched out long and straight.  He loves keeping his legs straight it is so funny.  He has really longs toes especially his big toes.  He makes a ton of little goat sounding noises when he stretches which makes us laugh.  I call him my little chow hound because he LOVES to nurse.  He roots around all the time and tries to suck on anything that gets near his mouth.  He gives great "kisses" when he is hungry.  He has definitely been my baby that is the most interested in eating.

He likes to be wrapped up in a blanket but wants to have his arms free because he wants to sleep with them up by his face which is precious.  He is a super mellow, easy going baby.  Another thing about him is he is extremely alert and loves to look around and be talked to.  He is so bright eyed when he is awake it has reminded me a lot of Hunter at this stage.  He is a very cuddly baby and love to be held and talked to .

Even though he gets up at night every 3-4 hours he has been a good sleeper.  He like all my kids besides Hunter loves his binky.

Hunter, Avery and Emma go back and forth each wanting to sit on the couch and hold him.  Sometimes I have to tell them that he needs a little break to just lay on the couch by himself because he gets passed from arms to arms so often.  He is mellow about it though which I guess comes with being baby #4 :) :)

To celebrate his one week we all took him on his first stroller ride to the park which the kids liked.  We pulled him into the sunlight and like a little turtle he stretched and enjoyed the warmth.  Even though he is quite a bit bigger than our other babies it always amazes me how tiny they are.  I love staring at his little features and awing at how beautiful he is.  The other night I took this picture for Emma, who was thrilled to show her that Hudson is now one Ariel long :) :)

It feels so wonderful to have a tiny baby in the house again and we are all having so much fun with him!!!

Lil' Debbie

When Deke got home off his mission he needed a vehicle.  He went with his dad and picked out a 97 Ford Ranger.  A nice little truck that could be used for work.  It was used but in good shape and affordable.  After Deke bought it he noticed that the previous owner had had the name Debbie embroidered into the dash mat.  Deke found a Ford emblem to cover the name up but that gave the truck its name.  Deke called it Lil' Debbie.  Deke would come pick me up and we would go on dates in that truck.  Deke and I drove away from our wedding reception in that little truck all decorated up.  

We both have so many memories in that truck.  It has assisted Deke in many jobs hauling things, moving stuff and towing things that we both thought was well beyond its capabilities.  As the years went on Deke worked hard with that truck and it was good to us but it took its toll of course on the poor truck.  This past year the truck has been having more issues.  The paint on the hood has long since been chipping and it rolled 200,000 miles.  We knew it probably won't last that much longer but Deke continued to keep it maintenanced and we hoped for it to last as long as it could.  Then the day before Hudson was born Deke was in an accident in it.  The damage to the outside doesn't look like much but open the hood and everything inside was pushed into the front of the truck and it was totalled.  What it would take to get it going again was double if not triple what the old truck was worth.    

So we put it up on Craigslist for sale for parts and the metal to scrap within twenty minutes we had about twenty emails and they continued coming.  The next day we had a buyer and his friend came with his tow truck to take the truck away.  It was really weird as the whole family stood in the driveway and watched them pull Debbie up onto the tow truck.  "They are going to fix the truck!" the kids were saying until Deke and I explained the truck wasn't coming back home.  The kids were actually bummed about it.  I looked at the truck and then at Deke and our four beautiful children and got all warm and fuzzy thinking how much of our life this truck had seen.  Smiled remembering making out with Deke in that truck.  As he pulled away with the truck the kids ran inside and Deke and I stood in the driveway holding hands watching it pull away.  It was actually pretty emotional.  So we are now back down to a one car family currently until we find our right next vehicle.  

Even though it was inevitable and it was the trucks time to go it has been really weird to not see it in the driveway at night.  I have actually missed it and Deke really has.  So much change in our lives it feels like right now.  I feel like our lives are transitioning again to a different phase.  It is not easy and is coming with some hard changes but yet I am excited because we are on to different wonderful things and a new exciting phase in our life.  We are ready for it.

Just Mom, Dad and Hudson

Before Hudson was born I had thought a lot about the possibility that this might be my last pregnancy.  Deke and I have not made the for sure decision yet but this is the first time that we have even discussed it.  We have always wanted five and I still feel like there is one more but we have talked very seriously about adopting the last baby.  Emotionally pregnancy is so scary and stressful for me, my anxiety was bad with Emma and was ten times worse with Hudson's pregnancy.  It seems like I spend every day of the first six months living in fear of losing the baby.  Losing the twins has changed me forever. Pregnancy will never be the same for me.  The fear of losing this baby made it hard some days for me to even function.  I can't even express the level of gratitude I have for my Father in Heaven for blessing us with another baby but this pregnancy was so long for both Deke and I.  I told myself to really soak up this pregnancy just in case.  We took a ton of pictures, I spent more time laying with Deke in bed at night feeling him kick and move.  Let tears fall whenever they needed to when I felt overcome with love for this baby and joy for the creation of life.

I soaked up every second of his birth and tried to make every moment last as long as I could.  I wanted to have only a few visitors at the hospital and really get a chance to just be in the moment with Deke and our baby.  I have always thought it is such a special time when it is just you and your husband in the hospital with your new baby.  It is time without the older siblings and other family members to just get to hold and stare for hours at every little feature.  To grin at every little noise and marvel together at this new little person.  I have never enjoyed my hospital stays as much as this one. Deke and I spent the entire three days holding, snuggling and literally staring at and talking about every little feature of this guy.

He is incredible.  Deke got us cookies from Paradise Bakery and we watched movies at night.  We walked the hospital halls and pushed Hudson in his little bassinett and stopped to just sit and stare at him.  We talked about having all the kids, talked about his pregnancy from the beginning and relived the joys of his entrance to the world.  During the night I would wake up with only the little light over the sink and look over at my husband crumpled up uncomfortably on a chair that must be the most uncomfortable sleeping area known to man and feel overwhelmed with love for him and our journey of being parents together.  Then hear a little grunt next to me and see our new baby stretching his little hands and necks and wondered if I could be any happier.

I kept getting so emotional wondering if this could be the last time I get to experience this.  The thought of it quite honestly made my heart feel like it would break.  I couldn't even think about it because it hurt too much.  How could I ever even think of not having another tiny incredible person in my arms ever again? I realize that you can't keep having babies forever and life has to move to a different phase but I don't know if it is time quite yet.  Becoming very distraught worrying about all this Deke reminded me that I had worked so hard and waited for this moment and that now was not the time to dwell on all this...

It was time to enjoy this moment and only focus on this moment.  So I did and all I can say is the days in the hospital with just Hudson and Deke and I were so special to me I can't even adequately describe it.  I will always be grateful for these days and how we spent them.

 Right now my time is with this beautiful beautiful new son and his three busy older siblings.  I have a brand new baby and he is tiny and wonderful and it is time to go home and watch and love every second of his growth.  Amazing....simply amazing :) :) :)