I {heart} these three.

Seriously. They are so much fun. They keep my days so busy and keep me rolling with the things they do and say. My life feels so full with them and it is wonderful.

Sour never looked so sweet.

We decided to go over to the west valley to watch the superbowl with Grandma and Grandpa. About thirty seconds into the game, the kids decided that playing in the backyard sounded more fun and since I hadn't even realized who was playing until the night before when I asked Deke, I was more than willing to chaperone their outdoor fun. After playing in the yard for awhile, Hunter (who is obsessed with climbing in their trees whenever we are there) started up into the tree. "Mom can we pick some lemons and grapefruits?" he asked. I also was intrigued by the thought of some lemons coming home to make homemade lemonade, maybe some lemon cupcakes etc. etc. Grandpa gave us the okay, handed a bucket and a fruit picker and told Hunter to fill it upHunter having fun climbing in the tree to pick some grapefruits, as soon as we get to Grandma and Grandpa Burch's Hunter is right up the tree. He loves climbing and can get up high enough to make me really nervousAt first it was more of a Hunter up in the tree dropping lemons down and Emma just watching holding a lemon in her hand.Soon Emma decided she wanted to help and then Hunter started dropping the lemons on the ground for her to get and put in the bucket. Occasionally he would call her over and then reach down from the tree to hand her one. Saying things like "look at this one Emma it's a baby one." Emma would reach up and grab it smiling and run it over to drop it in the bucket. She was quite pleased with her new assigned position.Every three or four times she would drop the lemon in and then stop and lean way into the bucket to do a quick "inspection" of her loot. Then she would pick one up and smell it, pat it and toss it back in. Hurrying over one arm swinging at her side to pick up the three lying on the ground that had been picked while she had been occupied. She happily worked with Hunter, so engaged in the activity she was oblivious that I was even there until I would snap a picture then she would turn and look at me. Eyebrows raised with enthusiasm she would pick a lemon from the bucket and hold it up for me to see and wait for my comment. "That's a good one, your doing a good job, keep helping" I told her as she turned mid sentence and was already trotting off to fill her little arms with as many as she could carry. Soon Hunter had decided he was ready to try to use the fruit picker and reach some of the lemons that were harder to get to. He did a really good job with it and was pretty fast with using it to get the higher ones down. He would reach it way up high and get one off of the tree and then tip it down to Emma so she could grab the lemon and transfer it to the bucket. They had a nice little system going, it was cute to watch them work together. Hunter is such a great big brother. So attentive and aware of his sisters. Protective of them and includes them in things. About halfway through Hunter decided it was time to let Em help in the picking....He would ask her which one she wanted and then she would walk over to a spot, get up on her tip toes and point. Hunter would pick it for her and hand it to her or if he could, he would lean the branch down for her and let her grab it herself. It was sweet.I just sat and watched them picking lemons together and pretty soon the bucket was full to the brim and both of them seemed to feel a sense of accomplishment. Not just that but they had had a lot of fun picking them gathering them. Avery who had been inside watching the big game with the rest of the bunch came out just as they were finishing and hurried over to help carry the bright yellow goods to show dad.

Her entourage.

These are her people. Every night when it is time to go to bed she will wander around the house and make sure that she has found all of them before she heads to sleep. Sometimes a random stuffed animal will be allowed in for a night with the three regulars, sometimes....when they decide its okay. I'm pretty sure Ariel must be the ring leader or at least thinks she is....power trip :). Obviously since Emma makes her known as the clear favorite and always places her in her arms at night and right by her in the morning. She get in her crib and as I hand each of them to her she places them in their respective "sleeping places" and then blows me and kiss, waves at me and tells me goodnight. We have had many a family search at bedtime for Ariel with Emma protesting sleep until she is found. Oh brother. Then in the morning when I go in to get her up. She stands up and smiles, "morning" she tells me and then picks Ariel up by the hair of course and swings her over the edge of the crib for me to grab and then reaches back down to get puppy and penguin. Then she takes all three to the couch and lines them up next to her while she watches Sesame Street or Curious George. Oh yes and the blankets come too. She is not particular to a certain blanket but they are always pulled out as well and dragged to the couch for morning lounging. All my kids love stuffed animals, Hunter has Rusty, Avery has Moo and Hippo and then Emma with Ariel, puppy and penguin. This morning she was having a banana and watching Curious George. It made me laugh when Ariel fell forward and Emma, not taking her eyes off the TV and still eating her banana reached with her free hand and sat Ariel back up. Some mornings she will respace the three of them as if they are complaining of crowding. Lay for a little while and then readjust them again. Sometimes for whatever reason she will stop watching and lean over and give one of them a kiss. Silly kid. I have to admit it makes me smile because it reminds me of Kimbre. When she was little she would take every stuffed animal she owned and at night she would lay them all around her in bed like an outline and almost panick if when she woke up one of them had fallen on the ground in the night. She was always worried about one of them feeling left out. It was really sweet. I guess Miss E you are just like aunt Kimbre in that cute little way. I love it, makes my morning.

Instead of eating it...

I am trying to figure out a way to utilize all the sweet stuff lying around our house without just consuming it all or just throwing it away. So you'd better believe that for FHE the other night we used it for a couple of games. Like using chocolate candy hearts instead of bean bags to toss into different containers and get points out in the front yard. The kids loved this idea. Emma would swing her arm and wind it up like she was going to throw it like a fastball and then ended up running over and dropping it into a container. Then she would run back to the line and repeat the process. Good job kiddo. Hunter pretty much wiped the floor with me and had great aim with this game.
Poor Avery, her candies just kept catching the rims of the containers and the bouncing out. She didn't really seem to mind though she was having fun anyway.Deke stepped up and schooled us all, he made Hunter and I's scores of 35 and 60 look like nothing when he landed a heart after heart in the 100 point vase for a 500+ score. Whatever Deke not all of us can be good at everything :) :) The kids were so excited they were cheering "Go Dad!" and he would toss one and bam! right into the glass, no problem. It was getting dark so we headed inside to play our conversation heart game. We set a timer for one minute and let the kids get as many conversation hearts out of the bowl as they could using a set of chopsticks. This was pretty funny since non of them have had much experience using chopsticks. Avery who can pretty much master anything she puts her mind to rocked this. It was cute to watch her concentrating as she worked, every once in awhile her tongue would stick out on the side like she was trying to stay focused. Emma who is reminding me more and more of her big sister everyday in the way of being quite a "Miss Independence" hopped up for a turn and didn't want anyone to help her. She would try for a minute and then Deke would offer to help her. "No" she would say and dive into it again trying. She never ended up getting one but it was funny that when the timer went off she reached in and snatched one, plopped it in her mouth and then ran off to find something else to do.This one took Hunter a little more time to get going. Poor lefty I feel ya buddy. Cutting, even writing and small motor skills are so much more difficult when you are a lefty living in a predominantly right handed world. Once he got it though he started moving quickly. I was fast and feeling good about my time until Deke came and stole my thunder again. Deke knows how to eat well with chopsticks. He once again blew doors on everyone and the kids were cheering him on. Avery was thrilled. "Mom. dad is just so good at all these games" she said wide eyed. I don't know if the kids had ever really watched him with chopsticks. After we were done Deke brought his pair of silver chopsticks with really neat engravings on them that were given to him on his mission by a family. The kids had never seen any like this and it was neat to hear Deke talk about his mission and the family that gave them to him. So two bags of candy put to good use enough that I could feel good about tossing them in the trash after playing games with them. Hopefully that will help a little on decreasing the major sugar intake that is headed our way today from their class Valentine parties.

"Turn your faces to the Sun"-Ethan and Dylan's 7th

This year has been different. A good different. I still felt it coming, still had to work hard to control my mind and not let myself replay the day over and over again in my head but it was easier. I never had a breakdown where I just couldn't gain control. When I thought of them it wasn't the familiar sense of heartbreak/devastation more a sense of calm and assurance that it will all work out. I think I am healing. Slowly, very slowly, we are healing. I made sure that I had no other committments and decided that my goal for the day was to maintain my peace. They would've been seven this year, is that even possible? We decided to have the kids go to school and keep everything as routine as possible, but I did send Hunter and Avery cupcakes in their lunches and told them it was to celebrate Ethan and Dylan's birthday's. I took Emma and we went shopping and then went and got lunch to bring home. Not to stay busy to avoid the emotion but to not sit around and allow the darkness to try to creep in. I was feeling calm until noon and the hour of their birth as I looked down at the clock in the van I could almost feel the heaviness try to wash over me. Quietly tears started to fall and I said out loud to myself, "Leave me alone" not to saying it to anyone really just to the feelings that were trying to pull me down. I started saying in my mind, "you can not have my peace" slowly over and over almost as if I was battling myself for control over how I was going to handle the day. The feelings started to ease, not lift completely but ease to where I could still feel my calm. I pulled into the garage and grabbed Emma up in my arms, she heals me. We went in and ate our lunch on the couch with her on my lap. Deke came home and like always everything became even more calm and my sense of "being okay" became even more resolved. The rest of the day was calm with lots of hugs from the kids without asking just being given. I feel so encouraged. I thought about them all day of course, missed them and longed to kiss them but in a healthy way that was in a good perspective. It has taken me seven years to have a birthday day like this. Always and for the rest of my life I realize that almost all days will be wonderful and I will have this peace but there will also be those moments that the longing for a moment is hard to bear. It will always be this way since they are my babies and that's how mom's feel about their children. I had been thinking about how positive and healing their birthday was since it was actually on Feb. 2nd and wanted to wait and write about it when I felt I could do it in an uplifting way. Even as I write about it now my peace is here. Today my sister sent me a card with a quote: "Be like the flower, turn you faces to the Sun"-Kahlil Gibran. Inside she shared a special experience with me that she has never shared, one that touched me. In it she told Deke and I that in our darkest moment which of course was losing our sons that we had chosen to turn to the Sun and turn away from the darkness. I remembered back to the darkest point of my life when I realized that a part of me wanted to just go to the darkness and just lay in it and let it have me because I thought I had nothing left. I just didn't care I was beyond any hurting that I could have imagined. I felt so numb. I also remember when I then made the choice that that is not what I wanted for my life, my husband, my children, I would try. I feel like I chose right then to turn to the light and for a very long time it was so bright and uncomfortable that I almost desired to be in the dark again. This was harder, it took effort to try to walk towards it and it felt as if my slow steps towards it only continued to cause me burns. It hurt, it hurt a lot, maybe it wasn't what I wanted but I had made the decision and had to keep trying. Then slowly my eyes began to adjust to this new light and I could see better more clearly as I continued forward. I became tougher and things that had once caused me burns tried to penetrate but ended up on the surface unable to cause the same damage. I am still trying, I am still miles from where I hope to be in acceptance and understanding of this huge thing that has been asked of us but I for the first time in a long time can see growth and progress and I am grateful. Maybe someday I will be able to take that light and have the growth to see and understand in a way that I still don't yet. Since I have a feeling that if I continue to follow it, it will always be bright enough. I will just keep trying, for them. I love you Ethan and Dylan, Happy Birthday. Love Mommy.

Claudia's Shower

This past weekend was Claudia's baby shower. She is due in a little over a month and we are all so excited. The kids are excited to have a new cousin, and it is really fun not knowing whether they are having a boy or girl. I made her this little diaper quad for her shower it was really easy and turned out pretty cute. Back when Hunter was born the diaper cake was a "new thing" now they have tons and tons of fun things that you can make out of diapers. It took two receiving blankets, a bottle basket, a sippy cup, a bib, a pair of socks, a pack of size 2 diapers, and some ribbon. Thank you Pinterest :)Claudia had a great turn out at her shower, there were seriously a ton of people there.They had it at her mother in laws house, I love the 3D ultrasound pictures they framed. In one of them the baby was smiling, it is so cute.
Kendon made this cradle for the baby which is so neat. That is some good wood working skills, I think it is safe to say that he is pretty excited about this uncle thing. Emily, Ramsay, Ally and Natalie helped run the pregnancy matching game which was fun. Loved to watch little sisters so excited about their big sis having a baby. Aunts are seriously the best. Wait no, sisters are the best but your sisters getting to be aunts pretty much rocks. Claudia opening her gifts....I'd say 90% of us think that this kid is a boy but that is probably why we'll be surprised when the baby turns out to be a girl. It was a really nice shower and time spent together as cousins is always a lot of fun. Love you baby Tieman, can't wait to meet you :)