At Home Depot with Dad

Deke was in charge of the store's monthly kids workshop this month so the kids and I headed over there to join him.  The project for the month was to build a Home Depot race car.  The kids each got their own hd apron to wear, a car kit and a pin for their apron for that particular project.  I couldn't believe that Hudson happily wore his apron just like the older kids, it was so cute.  They wasted no time getting busy on constructing their cars.

 Even little man got his first experience with a hammer....

 Then it was painting and adding the sticker decals to their cars.

My favorite part was getting to watch Deke run the workshop.  From 9-12 they had about one hundred and twenty kids come through and make cars.  Deke did such a great job.  It melted my heart to watch kids coming up with questions or showing him their finished cars.  Deke would make a big deal about how cool it looked and give them a high five, then fill out their certificate.  It was neat to get to watch him around all those kids and in his work element.  Home depot is such a perfect fit for him and he really enjoys it.  I feel like it is a company that he will be with for a long time.

It was also fun to watch Deke introduce his co workers to the kids. The kids loved the fact that dad was running the workshop.  Once the cars were finished they had a chance to test drive them on a ramp and try racing each other.  This was Hudson's favorite part by far.

They did a great job on their cars.  I love the little orange hd truck that deke made.

Of course we had to have a picture of the praying mantis that Hunter caught on our way out....

We all went out to eat some greek food and then headed home where the kids played Home Depot for two hours.  They all wore their aprons around, Hunter used deke's scrap wood and tools and was the dm for the lumber department and hardware department.  Avery was the greeter and cashier.  Emma was the dm for the garden department.  She apparently sold rare plants since she had an oatmeal tree and an apple banana pear tree among her items for sale.  It was so cute they played and played and had so much fun.  I love my stage of life right now, filled with days like this. I feel so blessed.

Every year is different.

I think I misunderstood.  I guess I thought that each year as "time continued to pass" that I would do better emotionally on this day.  The past couple of years I have had an easier time coping and taken this as a sign that it must be true.  "I've come so far in my healing" I told myself and felt comforted by the thoughts of next year being even better.  Then about a week before their birthdays it started.  The flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, anxiety etc. etc.  The memory of that day and the thoughts of my boys are always with me, not as far from the surface as one might think. Just like this quote there are times when the pain flares to life and it is overwhelming.  I started trying all my "positive self talk" routines and different things to help my mind focus on other things, it wasn't working.  "Oh no I am taking a step backwards, what is wrong with me I have been doing so good the last couple of years" I scolded myself.  Angry that I wasn't coping and why couldn't I get my peace back.  The only thing that seemed to help was just trying to stay so busy and run so hard that I kept distracted from it.  It would at least provide temporary relief but at the same time would exhaust me trying to "run" from something that I can't hide from.  Finally the night before their birthday, exhausted, I gave myself permission.  Permission to be okay with where I am.  To acknowledge that it isn't a thing of every year better until I eventually overcome it.  I won't ever overcome this, that's just the way it is.  

Some years are going to be hard and others easier, some days will be harder that is just the way it is.  I love Ethan and Dylan more than anything and it is that love and longing that makes me keenly aware that a part of me is missing.  The boys would be nine this year.  The day was incredibly difficult for me, one of those "barely keeping my head above water" days.  A few days later it slowly started to get better.  They are so precious to me.  I miss them in a way I can't even put into words.  Happy Birthday my babies, I love you.

Mommy

To the mailbox

Everyday as soon as Hunter gets home from school Hudson starts following him around the house waiting for Hunter to ask him.  Hunter will drop off his backpack, get a drink or a quick snack and then say "Hudson, do you want to go for a stroller ride?"  Hudson will start clapping and book it as fast as he can to the back door and try reaching for the doorknob.  He knows what's coming.  Hunter picks him up and carries him outside, puts him in the stroller and off they go.  Hunter will stroll him over to the mailboxes and get the mail, then they go through the park and usually stop to swing for a minute before walking back around the block towards home.  

Hudson says bye and waves at me, then kicks his legs and starts pointing as if to tell Hunter "alright already, lets get going!"  As they head on their way I can hear Hunter talking to him, showing him things and asking if he sees any birds anywhere.  I sit on the porch and wait for them.

When I see them come around the corner headed down the street towards home it always hits me what a great big brother Hunter is.  Not every ten year old boy would willingly take his baby brother out for a stroll everyday.  The thing is that I think that he enjoys it just as much as Hudson does, having that time together.  I am so glad that they have each other and despite their age gap they have a special bond with each other, one that I will continue to love watching.

Baby Lab at ATSU

The YMCA sits right next to AT Still University, a school for medical students.  They had posted a flyer up at the Y saying that the second year human development students were having their annual "baby lab" where they observe babies between the ages of newborn and fifteen months.  They were in need of babies to observe in these age ranges.  I remembered my child development classes in college and felt like Hudson would definitely be an interesting baby to observe so I called the professor and signed him up.  We woke up, had breakfast and then headed to the campus.  They had a room all set up with mats and toys everywhere.  Hudson was totally happy and got busy playing.  Soon the students came in and we introduced our babies.  Hudson and another baby named Austin were the only two babies that could walk out of the ten babies participating in the study.  The professor then assigned two students to each baby and they came over and introduced themselves and then started playing with Hudson.  He was being a total ham ball, it was great.  He waved at them and said "hello!" then showed them how he could kick a ball, identify his eyes, nose, mouth and hair, gave high fives, said all sorts of words for them.  It cracked me up how floored they were at how many things he can say.  (He reminds me so much of Hunter with his verbal/social skills) 

Soon it was time to rotate and another pair of students came over to greet us.  Again Hudson was ready to put on a show of all the things he could do.  It made me smile to hear them discussing his different movements and have them ask me questions about his development.  Taking notes as they observed and interacted with him.  By the time the third group came over to us he had found the play food and had put it on plates.  He picked up a plate with some cake on it and walked over to another group of people next to us and sat it down in the middle of them.  Satisfied he came back over and got another plate with a piece of chicken on it and carried it to a different group and once again sat it down in the middle of them.  "Hello" he said and then grinned and headed back to get more food.  He socializes just like Hunter did at his age.  Not afraid of anyone, everyone is his friend and he wants to be a part of every social things happening in the room.  So funny.

We continued our rotations through all the students for two hours and then it was time to go.  The students all gathered on the mat with their teacher and began discussing their observations as the parents filed out.  Emma spent way too long picking out which type of muffin she wanted at the little table they had set up for the families and we were the last ones in there.  As I hurried her out I handed Hudson a muffin and picked him up to leave.  He wiggled wanting out of my arms so I put him down to walk.  He walked by the door, turned to the entire group of students, muffin in hand and said "Bye!!" and started waving.  "Bye Hudson!" they all started calling back to him.  He grinned as if he had reached celebrity status and kept waving and saying it over and over until I had to pick him up and carry him out with him protesting "out, out" which really meant put me down.  

They were all cracking up and I couldn't help but laugh myself even as he scowled at me in the elevator wanting me to know he was still not happy with me for interrupting his moment.  Mr. Magoo you are a hoot that's for sure.  I only wish I could've been a little fly on the wall as they discussed their observations to see what they thought about you little man :) :)

Gilbert temple

We had the opportunity to take our family through the Gilbert temple open house.  Shortly after Em was born we went down to the Gila valley temple open house, it was a special experience for our family.  Since this temple is in close proximity to us we have been able to watch it be built from the ground up which has been so neat.  At least once a month if not more driving over to check on its progress.  One trip we went inside the information center and the kids each were given a piece of the rock used to build the temple.  They have kept them on their dressers and talked excitedly for months about getting to go inside.  

It was great to see that there were so many people there and we only waited a few minutes before we were taken in to see a video about the temple and start our tour.  The girls got cold waiting in line and decided to snuggle for warmth :) :)

There were so many people to get through the tours that the tour moved very fast and so Deke and I hung in the back of our group and talked quietly to the kids about the different rooms we were seeing as we went along.  It is so beautiful.  The agave plant is a special part of the decor of the temple and the kids kept finding the flower symbol everywhere as we walked.  The kids were so reverent and whispered excitedly to us about the different things they saw.

When we walked into the celestial room it was breathtaking.  Hudson who had been quietly looking around with his binky in the entire time pulled his binky out, tossed it to the floor and said "wooowwwwww" and stared up at the incredible chandelier.  The entire time we walked through the room I kept trying to quiet him down because he kept saying "wow, wow, wow" over again over again.  Staring and pointing and saying it.  It was precious.  Everyone around us kept smiling at him and the kids tried to stifle their giggles.  It was such a genuine expression I think of what everyone else was thinking.  When I think of this day I will remember that moment in that room with all of our little kids and our sweet baby's expression of wonder at this sacred place.  I am so thankful to get to have our kids go inside the temple.  We have been having a lot of discussions about it since then and look forward to going back on Valentine's Day again before it closes.

After that we went out to dinner and just had a really great night as a family.  Every time I look at this picture of Ave I can't believe how big she looks :( These are my favorite days :)

Prayer rock

Emma loves Sunbeams.  She loves Sis Hiatt and the fact that her teacher "has a baby in her belly!"  Last Sunday Deke picked her up from class and she came running up to me holding up a little pink plaid sack.  "Oh that is pretty" I told her, "did your teacher make that for you?" She grinned, "yep and inside is my special rock.  It's a prayer rock."  She dumped out the bag and a rock fell into her palm adorned with stickers and her name written in marker.  "I have to put it under my pillow and then tonight I will bonk my head on it and that reminds me to say my prayers." "I love my prayer rock" she added and then hurried over to show Avery and Hunter.  We headed home and sat down to eat lunch, I went in to get Emma and overheard her talking to the rock as she got it all situated under her pillow.  I was so proud of her that she had not only listened to her teacher but she understood the concept and was being so obedient hurrying in to put her prayer rock under her pillow before she did anything else.  

That night I went to tuck her into bed and she started to cry.  "Mom, I laid my head down and bonked my head and then I said my prayer."  I was confused.  "Good job Emma, you remembered what to do and said your prayer.  You are such a good listener, why are you sad?"  "I love my prayer rock but it hurts my head" she told me clearly feeling conflicted. Realizing now what was going on I reached my hand under the pillow where the rock still lay directly underneath her head. I went and grabbed the little poem that had come with the rock. "Oh Em, remember after you say your prayer you toss the rock on the ground so in the morning you will bump your toe on it and it will remind you to say your morning prayer??" "Now that you said your prayer you need to toss the rock on the ground for in the morning."  She looked at me and smiled with relief, "oh ya, that's right silly Emma" she laughed and then gratefully pulled the rock out and tossed it to the floor.  She rolled over to her side, "Night mom, night Ariel, night Elsa, night rock."  Oh my goodness little gal I could not love you more.  As I walked back to my room I couldn't help but be touched spiritually by my little three year old.  It was important to her to be obedient.  She was going to sleep on her rock even if it hurt or was uncomfortable because that was what her teacher and mom and dad had told her to do.  I am often amazed by my children's desire to do good and be obedient. I am glad that Emma wants to talk to Heavenly Father, that it is a priority in her three year old world to make time for that everyday.  Emma I hope that you always continue to love praying and keep good communication with Him.  Her love for Him is so pure and genuine.  My kids are so humbling to me with the amount of faith that they so easily seem to have.  It definitely makes me want to do much better for myself.  Time to get outside and find me a rock I guess :) :)